Words unspoken....

How did we get here?  

So many babies, so much I want to say ... but can't. I don't have the words. I don't know what I want to say. I started crying when I heard and my heart still hurts. Why? May 5th is always my first memory... back to you Ngaroata, my sweet, most loved niece. You're the first person that I think of, that I can feel when I hear news like this. You're the only one that I associate this kind of pain with. I miss you too. I miss you very very much. I wish you could see how much we ache for you. To hear you sing again, to watch you grow like you should have. You took all that away from us and left us empty.

That's what I feel now. Emptiness. Again!  And sadness for a mum who is once again burying another of her sons. Why? What did she do to deserve such heartache?

Don't you know how much you were supposed to be here? You were born so that you may grow! So that you will one day have your own children. So that you will grow old, have mokopuna and share with them the joys of your own childhood.

We are still numb. Numb with disbelief! Why? I cry for you now - just like I did for your brother 2 years ago. Haere ra e tama.  He tama noa iho koe. 16 years old and gone... :( Sadness overwhelms me...

Hepa - we love you.